Woolgathering #153: The Emotional Bank Account and Personal Excellence
Keeping track of the right things, shadow emotions, and how simple it is to do superhuman things.
One of my favorite concepts from the world of personal growth literature is the emotional bank account from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Here’s his explanation:
An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor that describes the amount of trust that’s been built up in a relationship. It’s the feeling of safeness you have with another human being.
If I make deposits into an Emotional Bank Account with you through courtesy, kindness, honesty, and keeping my commitments to you, I build up a reserve. Your trust toward me becomes higher, and I can call upon that trust many times if I need to. I can even make mistakes and that trust level, that emotional reserve, will compensate for it. My communication may not be clear, but you’ll get my meaning anyway. You won’t make me “an offender for a word.” When the trust account is high, communication is easy, instant, and effective.
It’s clear how this works with others. Work hard to keep your commitments to others, and reap the benefits of better relationships.
But we often overlook the most important relationship in our lives: our relationship with ourselves. How much do you trust yourself? How is your communication with yourself (i.e., is your self-talk negative or encouraging)? Are you sufficiently self aware?
Managing your relationships is simple. Guard your commitments. Don’t overcommit. But when you do commit, do so with zeal.
Read “Your Commitments are Your Life” Here
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Do you know your shadow emotions?
Are you familiar with “shadow emotions”? If not, this interesting piece from lifehacker has some great information on them—especially how to identify them, as well as how to effectively tap into your intuition.
The costs of switching from task to task—in handy visual format
Here’s a really helpful explanation of the different types of context switching, and their associated costs. There’s also some great advice on how to avoid letting it drain your cognitive capacity. This one is worth a read for nearly anyone doing knowledge work.
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David Blaine on methodically pushing past known limits—and into the superhuman
I’ve quietly been a fan of David Blaine for years. It’s not so much the tricks he does, but the feats of endurance and precision that he takes on and masters. He’s learned how to hold his breath for inhuman lengths of time. He’s learned how to swallow and regurgitate live animals. He’s learned how to stick an ice pick through his hand without drawing blood or causing damage. And none of these are illusions.
As Blaine explains, most of the things he does are very straightforward and real, but extremely difficult to master. They require the kind of focus, patience, and perseverance that few are willing to undertake. Which is why Blaine remains one of the only people to do what he does.
This fascinating interview on Tim Ferriss’s short-lived TV show is an excellent dive into the mind of someone who has made destroying limits their life’s work.
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Robert Cialdini on the Misunderstood Art of Persuasion
Getting people to do things they might not otherwise do is tricky business. It’s a tricky business that’s been rightly criticized over the years due to unethical behavior by some of its would-be practitioners in sales and marketing.
But as Robert Cialdini—the man who literally wrote the book on the subject—explains in conversation with Shane Parrish, persuasion isn’t about trickery. It’s about discovery and demonstrating value. And it’s only really effective if done with the right intent. The conversation is great, and and Cialdini is an engaging person to listen to.
A Question to Ask Yourself
One of the most important questions to ask in measuring your performance:
How intentional am I with my time and attention?
In other words:
Am I spending those valuable resources in the way I said I would? Or do I continue to be pulled away by "other things"?
It’s quite possible to be successful at certain things, at certain times, but to have it happen by happenstance. It can be easy to get fooled into a false sense of security and confidence when this happens. The way to avoid this is by understanding how your actions contributed to your success. And understanding how to repeat that as often as possible. Otherwise, you’re merely groping around in the dark, and getting lucky here and there.
A Quote
“Here is part of the tradeoff with diversification. You must be diversified enough to survive bad times or bad luck so that skill and good process can have the chance to pay off over the long term.”
— Joel Greenblatt